Picking up girls is easy. Go to any bar on any given night, and you’re guaranteed to run into at least a couple girls who are just slutty, wasted, or otherwise good to go. You can pull your worst pickup lines and wear your dumbest clothes, and you’ll go home with an easy pull. And that will be among the least impressive and least rewarding nights of your life. I’m not going to get all sentimental on you here, or even suggest that a longer term relationship than tomorrow night is what you should aim for, but isn’t it at least worth pursuing a higher caliber of girl than that tanked up slut with the tramp stamp and highlights sitting at the bar, who just got cut from the cheerleading squad? Or, if sailing the easy way and being a complete tool is your thing — here’s some great tips on being a dipsh*t:
1. Hit on Girls at the Gym
There’s no denying it – the gym is exactly where you’ll find the girls you want to meet. They keep themselves fit and in great shape, they’re active, and as a bonus feature, those tats that drive us crazy are all on full display. It’s also a great place to lose your cool and make a complete ass out of yourself, which, consequently, is why most girls are creeped the hell out by guys who try to pick them up at the gym. They’re there to wear their yoga pants, hit the stair-master, and listen to their iPod – an excellent distraction from the guys who are always up in their grill; they’re not there to be hit on by everyone and their brother. I’ve personally seen way more guys crash and burn at the gym than I ever have at the bar.
Now, while the gym is a terrible place to pick up women, it can be an awesome place to meet them. The confident swagger you exhibit is a turn-on at the nightclub, but it’s a turn-off at the gym. If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, you’re the guy who goes to the gym to check out the girls, stand in front of the mirror, and do bicep curls for an hour. Take a hike, buddy. If there’s a girl you just can’t live without meeting at the gym, stay aloof. A simple “hello” will go a long way here – it’ll set you apart and convey your interest. You’re here to train, just like she is – but if she invites you to a conversation, there’s no guess work as to whether or not she’s interested. Plus it’s not a one way ticket to a restraining order like staring at her ass for 45 minutes would be. Meet and greet, ask her out, and apply your moves elsewhere.
2. Load up on Tribal Tattoos
If you’re part of a tribe, or even have the flimsiest pretext of tribal ancestry, tribal tattoos are wicked cool. Otherwise, you’re just another beefcake poser trying to look like a badass, and the bad girls who dig the bad guys will not dig the guy who thinks some spiky tats up and down his biceps make him a hardcore thug. Tattoos can be awesome, but that DI goddess over there has tats that mean something. Tribal tats are the male equivalent of a tramp stamp. They’re overworked, overdone, and have become the universal standard for bad guys with no cred to back it up.
Never get a tattoo just for the simple sh*t of it, because when two awesome tattooed singles get to talking, the conversation will inevitably turn to “what does this tattoo mean?”, and trust me – you do not want to be on the receiving end of that question when the deeper meaning of your tat is “I thought it would look cool.”
3. Wear a Wife-Beater in Public
I’ve worn a wife-beater in public – in the Virgin Islands where it was a million f*cking degrees outside. Outside of the tropics, or other climate appropriate areas, or the gym, I guess, a wife beater is just…just an awful idea all around. Firstly, if you’re a total meathead and you can actually fill it out – all you’re doing is advertising the fact the the most interesting thing about you is you hit the gym every day. Not only do you risk actually intimidating any girls you find interesting, most chicks are not going to want anything to do with you (hey, the easy ones might – but this post is about quality). Secondly, if you’re skinny and you don’t fill it out – then just what the hell are you doing in a tanktop anyway?
If you’re in between – not a beefcake but not skinny either – really a wifebeater signals that you just don’t give a sh*t. You were literally too lazy to just put on a damn shirt. There’s plenty of clothes you can wear to accentuate your physique, even clothes that show off your tats. The DI girl appreciates a badass – but, like the tribal tattoo – you’re going to have to try a little harder than “peacocking” to land a true winner.